The best way to spot negotiating talent is to put people under pressure and see how small their ears get – most people’s get pretty small. Eight out of ten sellers, when put into a high-pressure situation, switch to “frantic” mode: they talk and talk, trying to persuade, hoping to convince; likewise most buyers switch into “dictator” mode: asserting their needs while dismantling or dismissing those of their counterpart.
But if you’re going to push a deal to the limit, you first need to find out where that limit is. That’s why the best negotiators go into “active listening” mode: asking the right kind questions and following up with more, until they’ve uncovered everything they need. Only then do they engage in the negotiation. While the most effective questions are those that are improvised in the moment, building on the knowledge you’ve already gleaned, the style of your negotiation will dictate what you need to find out, and therefore, the kind of questions you’ll ask. For example:
Collaborative style: Aim your questions at uncovering opportunities to create a bigger, more valuable deal for both parties. Ask about their longer term goals and their dream scenarios with questions like: “If we really went for it, how big do you think this could be?” or “What would you love to have achieved by this time next year?”
Competitive style: Use questions to get a true picture of their motives, alternatives, what they want most, and how much they’d be prepared to give in order to get it. Ask about their priorities and constraints with questions like: “If we only managed to agree on one area, which would you want it to be?” and “If we had to delay the deal for a while, how long could you wait?” Then follow up with more probing questions.