Stop persuading and start re-framing.

Reframing your approachWe always expect some negotiation around a proposal, but what happens when your plans are completely, and genuinely, rejected by the person you’re hoping to bring on board? How can you persuade them to commit to working with you on something when they won’t even discuss it? Simple: stop persuading and start re-framing.

People generally reject an idea for one of three reasons:

  1. They don’t buy in to what you’re trying to achieve
  2. They don’t believe yours is the best way to achieve it
  3. Because the idea has come from you

Recognise the issue and you’re most of the way to solving it. Here are three steps to re-frame your proposal into one they will accept:

Align your aims: Step back from your proposal. Look at what you’re ultimately trying to achieve, and how that could align to what they’re trying to achieve. Start by listening and probing about their agenda. Try to draw out their “self-interests” – what are their burning needs and ambitions? Then start the dialogue around your common aims.

Flex your route: Don’t be precious about your plan. Once you’ve agreed on your aims, agree some principles around the financials (budgets, costs etc.), then let them share their concerns and preferences. Debate them by all means, but take out the emotion: ask “what information could help resolve our differences?” The more you let them shape it, the more commitment you’ll get from them to deliver it.

Use a proxy: Very occasionally you’ll find the person you’re trying to work with, for reasons of their own, simply doesn’t want it to work. When that’s the case, there’s no alternative but to work through an influential proxy; someone to whom your counterpart will listen, who buys into your aim, and is willing to plant the seed. When your counterpart re-engages with “their new idea”, run with it, help them shape it, and never refer to your old plan again.